Happy Mother's Day; early!

Proverbs 23:25 "Make your parents proud, especially your mother." (CEV)

Isaiah 66:13 "As one whom his mother comforts, So I will comfort you; and you shall be comforted in Jerusalem." (NKJ)

God has a lot to say about mothers, and I believe that God holds mothers in high esteem, especially when you look at Isaiah 66:13. He is basically telling us that He will comfort us as our mothers comfort us. Wow, what an awesome thing to be a mother!

So while I know it is a bit early, I wanted to share my thoughts on motherhood. I think you will find this to be a very unique perspective, and I really hope that this blog blesses you. I want to speak to you from the depths of my heart, in all earnesty, and pray that you gain something special from this today.

My mother died September 7, 2007. She had only been 50 years old for just over 3 months. My husband was set to leave for OCS on the 11th, and we had decided that the kids and I would move in with her while he was in school. Little known secret on Army life - when you first leave, you don't get paid for like 45 days. Given that, we chose to stay with her.

I had a lot of things to get done that day. I still had to finish taking things out of the house, had to get it cleaned, had to get the kids withdrawn from their schools....and I had already turned the keys to the house over. Now, if you don't know me, let me explain why that was a big deal. We had 3 kids at the time, 3 cats, 2 dogs....and my mother lived just over an hour from our house.

Our middle daughter was sick that day. I took her to my mother's house that morning - I dropped off a load at her house and asked her if Dayna could stay there while I got things done; I couldn't deal with a sick child and get everything done that I needed to....now, let me share the last conversation I ever had with her. I walked in the door and she was in her room in the bed (which is typical for her) and I told her hello and asked her if Dayna could hang out. She says, "Of course she can, what's wrong with her?" (Oh, I'm quoting, I remember this word for word trust me) I explain that she is running a temp, nothing else, and I had all this other stuff to do. Mom says, "Not a problem." But let me tell you, she looked funny. I asked her what was wrong and she said that she was having "what feels like a really bad panic attack, I just can't seem to catch my breath!" So I help her turn on her oxygen, meet the guy at the door with mom's medicine, write the check out for her, and go back in her room and hug her, tell her that I love her....ask her if she's sure it's okay to leave Dayna (and of course she says yes, what grandmother is going to say no?), hug her again and tell her I'll see her later.

I walked out the door.

Honestly, I had the feeling I should stay.

But I had too much to do.

Finally that night we get everything done and we head out to my mom's house....I remember riding in the van with Alex asleep in the passenger seat and thinking about how one day I am going to wake up in the morning and have to explain to my children that their grandmother had passed away. My mom had been sick for awhile and nowhere near took care of herself like she should and I was soo deeply afraid of how that would affect Dayna (who loved my mother like she was the absolute best thing there ever was).

I pull in the driveway and notice there are no lights on. No big deal, right? It's about 11pm so Dayna is probably asleep and Ray (my mom's partner) too. Go in the house, and the first thing I see is Dayna in the recliner.

????

That doesn't happen.

I set the fishbowl down on the table and turn to go to my mom's room...there are no lights on in the house and I am totally confused as to why my kid in is the living room...the only light there is comes from the reflection of the tv on in my mom's room...suddenly Ray is in her doorway, flips her lightswitch on quickly, and disappears. I knew something was very wrong.

At this point I want you to understand that I am not writing this out of guilt, or shame. I do not carry that on my shoulders at all, but in order to give you the understanding I have, I want you to know EXACTLY what my experience was like and why I see what I do. This is very hard, even to this day I still grieve, so bear with me as I go through this process.

I go into her room and immediately try to get Ray out of the way so I can help her. She is laying on the bed, limp, not breathing....I get there, check her - I don't feel a pulse, so I stick my head to her chest and get an extremely faint heartbeat. Her eyes are begining to dialate, and there is yuck on her face (like she had gotten a very bad runny nose), so I wipe off her face, throw the phone to Ray for him to call 911, and literally fall apart.

All I could do is cry and say to her....Mom what has happened???

I couldn't even do CPR. I couldn't remember it. Darryl had to do it.

I said goodbye to my mother that night. I climbed in her bed and held her lifeless body in my arms, just held her, whispering how much I love her, how I didn't want her to go....caressing her arm to try to permanately put the feeling of her skin on my brain....





I miss my mother. I miss being able to pick up the phone and just call her. Just to tell her some funny thing that the baby (that she was never able to meet) has done, or some great thing that Dayna accomplished at school....I cannot call her and ask her what advice she has for me with the situation with Alex, I cannot ask her what to do when I am having a bad day with my "tweenie". I cannot give her another hug and I cannot buy her another gift. There are countless times I have been in a store and caught myself picking something up for her and having to put it back. The countless times I've had my cellphone in hand and realizing that I cannot dial that number...

Here's the thing....I had to go through all of my mother's things. You know, she was my MOM. Everyone of us knows what "Mom" is, we are one, we have one. But boy oh boy, heh...I missed the part that she was a WOMAN. And that we could have been very good friends. I would have liked the woman that my mother was.

If you get nothing else, get appreciation for the fact that your mother is a woman, with hopes, dreams, fears, concerns....ask her what her favorite things are. Take her to have coffee just like you would your best friend. Go see a girly movie together. Get to know your mother as her name (my mom was Glenda) not 'Mom'. You know Mom. That is the lady that carried you for 9 months, gave you bandaides, gave you hugs when you had your first heartbreak, stood with you at your wedding, held your hand as you gave birth to your first child.

Become friends with her. And tell her that you love her. And mean it. Don't get so caught up in being busy.

You know what else I would like to recommend?

Become a woman to your daughter. You can be mom and still share your dreams, you can still show her that you are a person too.

I thank God that I was given my mother and I thank God that she is in His kingdom and I thank God for the road He has for me.

That old saying that goes something to the effect of "God doesn't promise there won't be pain, just that He'll be there"? Well, He's been there for me and He carries me.

Make this Mother's Day and every day a day that you honor your mother.